That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
