My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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