You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
