Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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