we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
