the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
