when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
