I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's never too late to be topless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize