We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
