he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
