I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize