she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize