I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
