i already hear my dad disowning me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
