How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
