So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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