Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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