just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
