Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
