just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize