he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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