i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
