Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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