i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its liver damage thursday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
