yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
