not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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