two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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