My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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