you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
