to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
