I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it because I queefed?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize