I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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