Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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