Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
