True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
