Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
