If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
