All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
