it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
