if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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