Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
