Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
