I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
