you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
