If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
