You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize