he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
