We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
