i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize