just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
