Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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