so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
