A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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