Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
