somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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