Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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