mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
