When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
