Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
