I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
