i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
