the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
