I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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