your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
