I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
