I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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