I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
