I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize