He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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