i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
