My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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