Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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