Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
