it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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