I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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