He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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