I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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