so explain again why im purple
no
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
