I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
