Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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