STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the day after is always just damage control
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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