I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
