i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
