legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
