dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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