i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
