and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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