found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
