You just made me feel so damn special
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
