I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
