I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
