whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
