just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
