well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
