she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
