you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
