we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
