Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
