I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
