so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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