it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love you.
Bad choice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
