How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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