I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
