Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
