We won't sleep together?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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