Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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