I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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