Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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