You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
