using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
