Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
