If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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