Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
