Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How's work?
Spinning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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