we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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