I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
