so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
