i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
