I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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