It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
